Divorce is difficult. Selling a home is difficult. Trying to navigate both with a partner who vehemently disagrees with you is another level of stress entirely. While you might be jumping to get a court order at the first sign of an impasse, our conversations with real estate experts and a reputable divorce attorney would indicate that, like most legal battles, litigating should be your last resort.
“What the stubborn partner needs to realize is that the home sale is going to happen in some form no matter what,” says Allison Van Wig, a top-selling real estate agent in Los Angeles County with experience helping divorcing clients. “Either you can negotiate with your spouse, or you go to court with your divorce attorney, and the judge will order the home sold. And with all of the attorney’s fees and all of the court appearances, that’ll probably end up costing you an extra $40,000.”
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If you’re here seeking help, you’ve probably already tried persuading your partner in some shape or form and aren’t sure what to do next. To help break a stalemate, follow this guide with tips on how to:
- Get to the root cause of your partner’s concerns
- Find out how much equity you’re entitled to and investigate your state laws
- Weigh your main options for moving forward, including court
Get to the root cause of your partner’s concerns
Happy marriages don’t typically end in divorce, which is why many couples bring a lot of extraneous baggage into the process of selling a home after a split. Those feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, and betrayal can lead to decisions that wind up hurting both of you.
In an emotionally charged situation, you may assume that your partner’s refusal to sell comes from a place of vindictiveness, but it also could be because:
- They feel an overwhelming sense of sentimental attachment to the home.
- They’re holding out hope for a reconciliation.
- They’re still grieving the loss of the marriage and the home where they raised their children.
- They’re afraid they won’t be able to afford a similar home once the divorce is finalized.
“Some partners who are stonewalling are simply afraid that their children will be negatively affected, they’re having trouble envisioning their future living situation, or they’re afraid that their rights will not be protected,” says Corrie Sirkin, an experienced divorce attorney in Virginia.
In these situations, the key to getting a home sold when your partner refuses to cooperate is to begin by trying to have an honest conversation.
If you blow your chance to negotiate an amicable home sale with your reluctant partner, they can make the home sale difficult every step of the way. They can refuse to sign documents throughout the process. They can become unreasonable in accepting an offer. And they can even make it difficult to find a buyer at all.
“It’s a challenge to show a home when you have one partner who’s unwilling to sell. They can make a mess in the house, or be unreasonable about scheduling showings,” Van Wig says.
“I offer the reluctant seller a $50 gift certificate to take the kids out to eat or to the movies. I’ve learned that it’s best to spend a little money to let the partner who’s refusing to sell know that I’m on their side, too. And that I’m working for the best for both of them,” she says.
But if you can convince your partner to get on the same page before the selling process begins, it can save you both an immense amount of stress and hassle.